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Why Does Bad Sex Happen to Good People ?

Sex Complex

a Blog From Emerald Sexual Health Consulting, LLC

October 14, 2020

As a sex educator it is my job to help people learn about pleasure. On the other hand, I also need to prepare people for when things go wrong. Bad sex doesn’t look the same each time, and trust me, you’re going to have more than one bad sex day. A night of bad sex doesn’t have to be the end of the world.

Whether you’re single or married to your soul mate, there are going to be obstacles to having a great night of sex. Those nights can actually be fun and/or learning experiences.

Why a night of bad sex has benefits

  1. You and your partner bond over whatever had you laughing and distracted from finishing the task at hand.

  2. Your bad time may have been the reality check you needed. That awkward kiss between you and your best friend may have been the closure you both needed to understand that being friends is best.

  3. The story makes the experience worth it.

  4. Sure you’ve had waaaay better, but thanks to some miracle, you got the orgasm anyway.

  5. The bad time turned into learning about your dislikes. Sometimes you gotta try something (or someone) to know you don’t like it.

  6. The bad time turned into a second time.

Not all bad sex has to be this nightmare of embarrassment. Of course, there are going to be times when you feel earth shatteringly embarrassed, but having confidence can help you be resilient to those torturous feelings and may help you laugh about it with your partner(s).

For those in relationships

Couples put a lot of pressure on themselves to spice things up. This leads to some hilarious sex fails and possible injuries that need to be explained to an ER intern. The more pressure you put on yourselves, the more likely your night is not going to end with a bang. It’s ok the fantasy didn’t meet expectations! You can always try again on a different night.

Got kids? The more interrupted sex you have...the better you get at finding opportunities for uninterrupted sex. Timing is everything and when the stars don’t align, you’ll still have fun memories of trying to has sex in the pantry closet while your kids were on a zoom play date.

For those hooking up

If a sitcom never references bad sex, is it really a sitcom? Bad hook ups seem to be part of the fabric of society. It’s perfectly normal to have chemistry at the restaurant and none in the bedroom. Just don’t be too hard on each other. A bad one-night-stand could mean you become friends instead.

Alcohol could be getting in your way too. Drunken times mean for not so good sexy times. The first drink awakes your confidence. So does the third, but by that point your body is ready for bed - to sleep. A night of bad sex can teach you where your limits are.

For those breaking up

Like the morning after a night of drinking, you always claim you’ll stop when the hangover is really bad. Use the bad sex you had with your soon to be ex as a reminder for what will be your future. Once they’re ex, don’t be tempted to go back,like you always do the booze.


So why does bad sex happen to good people? Because it’s normal. Normal things happen to good people. When life gives you a night of bad sex an even greater one is around the corner. Fear-based ads want you to spend money to ease your anxieties about not being a good enough sex partner. Guess what, you’re good enough and there is always room to improve. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was your sex life. It takes time to create that perfect sexual experience.

For more information contact Ashley Gadarowski at

Talking to a personalized sex educator can help you build confidence or learn ways to improve your sexual well-being!!!

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